He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you. - Nietzsche

 

Some More Background

I feel that a bit more background information may be in order about now. I have stated that I have no strong attachment to my male body. This is partly due to, what I percieve, as it's somewhat substandard development in relation to males in general. Add to that the fact that gender wise, I feel more female than male. Is it any wonder that I'm a mess.

At present (end of 1997), I am 5'8", 245lbs (I'm working on getting my weight down). I have a reasonable amount of body hair, but am not the walking carpet that some men are. I remember when I was younger, our family doctor pointing out that I had gynecomastia. He didn't seem too concerned. He also didn't explain to me what was - but I kind of knew. Gynecomastia usually goes away, but I think that mine stuck around. I can fill a size 40 - 42 B cup (sometimes a C) bra with no additional assistance.

My plumbing (such as it is) is not what one would call impressive. While I'm sure it falls within 'statistical norms' and I never been explicitly told (by a doctor) that it was abnormal, I can't help but feel that, from a physical aspect, I'm less male than society would have me be.

Again, I find the fact that my sex is male to be of little consequence to me, save for the anguish of trying to live as a man in both body and spirit.

A need a lifestyle more in tune to my gender than to my sex.

I need help...


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