The danger in happiness. - 'Now everything is turning out well for me, now I love every destiny - who would like to be my destiny?' - Nietzsche


Here We Go Again

I was really not in mood for college, but as I got dressed for my first day, I decide on warring a pair of orange hipsters as my underwear for the day. They were bright and cheerful and made me feel a bit better. I slipped them on, finished getting dressed and went off to start what I was sure would be a new low point in my life.

Collage is ok. After a few weeks, I've make some friends (mostly girls.) I've decided to try some intense male bonding therapy and pledge a fraternity.

Pledging lasted three weeks, during which time I abstained from any lingerie (I could hardly stand it.) I made it through pledging, and in late autumn I became a fraternity brother. The most male-centric activity in which I have ever participated did nothing to rid me of my desires.

There was a girl in a class of mine who I had taken a liking to. Not wishing to duplicate my last dating experience (or lack there of), I sat on the other side of the class and stared, not at all hopeful that she will have any interest in me.

Later that semester, I went to one of the campus parties. As luck would have it, the girl from my class I like was there. A couple of beers and I got up the nerve to ask her to dance. She said yes and we had a pretty good time. We sat down and talk a while and seem to hit it off. A major victory for me, I felt a bit more hopeful for the first time in a long time. We went out a few more times and it went well. My CDing an overall mental state remained relativly continued unchanged for the rest of the semester.

By the end of my second semester, I have a girlfriend and we are getting along really well. I move her stuff home for her at the end of the semester and we date through the summer. With some renewed confidence, I no longer feel the need for early checkout and decide to extend my stay on Earth a while longer.

My second year goes along without incident. I have taken a liking to Existentialist Philosophy and am trying to make some more sense of who I am and what the hell I'm doing here. My girlfriend and I are an item and happy in one another's company. As we seem pretty serious about each other, I'm trying to figure out just how to tell here about my secret.

Year three, and I decide that Valentine's day will be when I tell her. We go out to a nice restaurant and after a few drinks, I tell her. I just kind of come out and say that I like women's underwear. I wait, expecting her to flip out, but she doesn't. We talk about it a it and she seems more or less ok with this. The rest of the evening goes well and we have a nice time. As time goes on, we discuss my CDing a bit more and after we do it (twice) the first time, it becomes a part of our playtime.

I'm pleasantly surprised when we go shopping for some lingerie together and she suggests a few pairs of tap pants for me. I wear these pretty much whenever we are alone together. I must say, college has turned out much better than I thought it would.

Year four and we are still going strong. My CDing continues, but with much less guilt. That is until I come home one day to find my panties in my dresser folded wrong. You see, I fold them certain way and put them under all my other underwear. Today, I found them folded differently (gulp!) I've been found out! Remember that renewed confidence I mentioned earlier, in the dumper. I call up my girlfriend in a panic. She asks if I'm sure and I say yes. We agree I should wait and see what happens. My parents come home and... nothing. We have dinner and nothing is said. I figure that they know something is up, and that I know it too. The incident is never mentioned and becomes a non-event. I'm relieved (I think!)

Sometimes I can be a real putz (actually a lot of times.) One night I decide to sleep in bra and panties but forget put a tee shirt on over it. Who decides to come upstairs that morning but my dad. Needless to say, he saw me. Later that day, we have a talk about the incident. He wants to know what the deal is an I tell him that it is something I do once and a while (yeah, right!) He asks if I'm gay (something no crossdresser is ever asked, right?) and I tell him no (the truth.) I also, in a desperate move, tell him that my girlfriend knows about it (she is thrilled about this strategy!) He is surprised, but lets it go, telling me that its good that my mom didn't see. I agree and he says that we will just keep this to our selves.

Dad is no dummy and has a good memory. When I as much younger (shortly after I purchased my first panties), my mom found a pair of wet red panties on a ledge above my shower (I had just washed then and hadn't put them away to dry.) She asked me in front of my father and some other people if I knew anything about them. I said no. Since we are having work done in the bathroom, I suggest that maybe the plumber was using them as a rag and forgot them (another really lame one!) Everyone thought it was pretty funny. She threw them away and that was the end of it (they had to know that the panties were mine.) Taking that, my misfolded panties and my recent sleeping attire, I figure that he knows that there is more to this, but decides to let it go as its my business.

We graduate and by the next fall, my girlfriend and I become husband and wife. I have put any thoughts of my intentional early demise out of my mind. I am married to a beautiful and wonderful woman whom I love most deeply and have my whole life to look forward to.

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