Subject: Re: Close Encounters
From: (Donna)
Date: Fri, 5 Dec 1997 09:27:40 -0500

In article <661rnh$>,
nuts4news@righthere.rightnow says...

Hi All

I'm new to this NG,so forgive me if this has been done to death,but,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I was wondering,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,how many of us , have been mistakenly assumed to be Homosexual.

Society, in general, seems to have a hang up about the distinction between male/female - masculine/feminine. Men are 'Men' and women are 'Women', any blurring of that distinction causes FUD (fear, uncertainty and doubt). People don't like FUD and need to understand and resolve what is causing it.

Society teaches us, for the most part, that men and women are polar opposites. When an individual starts to move towards the other side, the FUD level goes up. People tend to get very bothered by the idea of gender ambiguity, and most have a threshold as to how much they will take before the 'need to know why' kicks in. We seem to be most tolerant of women and their desire for self expression and the like. Men, on the other hand, have been prescribed a fairly rigid set of guidelines for social acceptance, clothing being one of the main ones.

Mind you, ANY overtly feminine traits exhibited by a man will generate a similar reaction; one akin to "what's 'his' deal?" Most people can not resolve the juxtaposition a man and feminine traits. In an attempt to resolve this dilemma, the reasoning goes something along these lines:

  1. Society tends to define individuals by their actions. Apart from physical differences, the way men and women behave is the foundation for the distinction between them. Actions are an indication of state of mind.
  2. In terms of sexual attraction, men are into women, and women into men (part of the perceived polar differences between men and women.)
  3. If a man is exhibiting traits commonly associated with a woman, this living contradiction is resolved by the assumption that the individual is of a feminine mindset (point 1) and as such, must be attracted to men (point 2) as a result.
Interestingly, if you exhibit some 'feminine' traits, but demonstrate (read overcompensate with) other very 'masculine' traits, people will overlook the 'confusing actions'. E.G.: as a rule, guys don't wear two earrings. Less now than in the past, a guy with two earrings was assumed to be gay. However, if the man in question were a biker (for example), it is unlikely that he would be thought to be gay.

I have been asked (by both my father and wife) if I were gay because of my dressing. The answer is no, I am very attracted to women.

I think that's enough of my amateur socio-psycho-analytic ramblings for the time being.

Love and stuff,